Yes, men, wearing long white coats have told us that, with the line up for October's No One Died, we are likely to open up a tiny black hole in the back of The Enterprise in London's fashionable Chalk Farm, and watch the universe begin all over again.
A chief human said " With the wonderful Royal Treatment Plan playing even a half-decent set you've got yourself a whole truckle o' trouble. Added to which, he demured " you've got the likes of The Molotovs AND Sister playing and folks, they're mightly combustible.' This man was TOTALLY from Texas or somewhere....
The Daily Mail, chief truth-bastard of the British press went on
"Not
only have they got the three previously mentioned bands, some members
of which we belief may be either Asylum Seekers or a little effete, but
there's a Burlesque Dancer, this so called No One Bride. She is
destined to corrupt society thoroughly and finally. They're just asking
for trouble. See centre pages for full colour photos of the dancer"
A spokesman for No One Died stated:
"This
is just exaggerated sensationalist hyperbole. At the very most we we
will locate the infamous Rock-Bozo gene. If we do open up any black
holes, they will be funny, and anyway the wonderful No One Died DJ's
iRod, The Camden Slags and Mr Marvin will be there with fire
extinguishers and a damp tea-towel to cover them up.And frankly, even
if the universe is swallowed up at least visitors to No One Died will
be at the front, to meet all the virgins. Or is that a different
religion?"
Well, whatever does happen on October the 4th, it looks set to be a phenomenal party. For those of you who wish to learn more of the incendiary bands please see below:
Royal Treatment Plant
"...
like getting a slap in the face from the hottest girl in school, but
then going back for more because you like her that much. Sharp, spiky,
sexy, shuddering, shivering stuff." The Fly
"...sounding like Debbie Harry crossed with an angry Tanya Donnelly..." Noize Makes Enemies
myspace.com/royaltreatmentplant"...sounding like Debbie Harry crossed with an angry Tanya Donnelly..." Noize Makes Enemies
Sister
"Beautifully timed guitars, rich velvet vocals, and enough heartbreaking lyrics" The Fly
"Slinky, dreamy sixties-inspired rock" Dazed
myspace.com/sistermusic
The Molotovs
"... sheer adrenaline and spot-on harmonics ... menacing drums into bed with frantic pianos and crawling vocals which express a passion for songmanship so infrequently seen you wonder how these guys were inspired by anything other than the greatest bands in history." RockFeedback
myspace.com/themolotovs
No One Died - taking the joke too far so you don't have to.